The
Toner of Peyton Place
A One Act Play & Primer on Laser Printers
by
Jimmie Moglia
 |
 |
| 13th century
(seed) hopper |
21st century
(toner) hopper |
|
The
Characters
|
The Toner Cartridge - also
using as aliases Laser Cartridge, Laser Toner Cartridge, Copier
Cartridge, and (to further confuse the unwary) Drum Cartridge.
The Toner
The Toner Hopper
The Magnetic Roller
The Doctor Blade
The Charge Roller - also called Primary Charge Roller (whose
function was previously performed by the Corona Wire)
The Drum - (also referred to as OPC, Organic Photo
Conductor)
The Laser
The Wiper Blade
The Recovery Blade
Ghost
The Waste Bin - also called waste toner hopper, waste
compartment and waste toner section
The Fuser Roller
The Fuser Wand and Fuser Felt
A Laser Printer Psychologist
Chorus
|
one
act play revealing - behind a façade of conformity and respectability -
the hidden seamy secrets and passions of provincial printer life.
Including the lust of the Drum for the Toner. But, after a brief flirt
with the Drum, the Toner develops a burning and irrepressible passion
for the Copier Paper. This leads to pre-marital sex between Toner and
Paper. In turn, as confirmed by the Doctor Blade, the Paper becomes
pregnant with words and images. Broken-hearted, the Drum recovers his
composure with the help of the Recovery Blade. At the last moment, in a
steamy and hot crescendo, the Fuser Roller performs the official
marriage ceremony. Toner and Paper are married and live happily
thereafter until the next page is printed.
Scene One
A Laser Printer Psychologist stands
close to a Laser Printer in operation. Strange and bewildering noises
are heard inside. It's hard to say if they suggest pleasure or pain.
Intrigued, when printing is complete, the Psychologist lifts the lid of
the printer and interviews the components inside.
Psychologist to Toner. Tell me
something about yourself.
Toner. I am the most popularly
known ingredient of a laser printer. Of course I am not alone; there is
diversity and class distinction even among toners - some are more
sophisticated and of a finer grain. You will find them in very
high-resolution printers. Most working class toners are 600 or maybe
1200 dpi (dots per inch). It used to be that working class toners were
all 300 dpi. But thanks to freedom, democracy, and trickle down
technology our standard of dpi has increased. Today you only find 300
dpi toners in shelters for homeless laser printers and in laser printer
slums and junkyards. Apart from the size of the grain, all of us Toners
contain particles of carbon and iron, as well as various other agents.
It is the iron that makes us magnetic (when we get in contact with a
magnet, that is). Like many ladies, we are affected by weather and
humidity. Humidity tends to make our particles lump together - a
phenomenon vulgarly called 'caking'. When so, we become frigid and
unusable, which is why we also have anti-caking agents in our
composition.
Psychologist.
Where do you live inside the cartridge?
Toner. My permanent residence,
when I am not in use, is in a component of the cartridge called 'Toner
Hopper'.
(enter the Toner
Hopper)
Toner Hopper (showing a revealing
slit in her skirt). I house the Toner, and who called me 'hopper'
instead of 'container,' I don't know. I guess it was a bow to tradition.
The word 'hopper' is ancient and refers to the seed-filled container
that farmers used when sowing a new crop. Or to the container used to
hold and deliver grain to the miller's grinding wheel. So we find in
Chaucer (1386): "Yet I saw how the hopar wagges til and fro".
And something went terribly wrong in 1430, because in the Life of
Manhode the biographer reports, "He was grounden in the hoper
broken and bruised". Later in 1649, in his Treatise on Agriculture,
Blithe recommends, "be sure ever and anon to stir up the bottom of
your hopper". This applies to me too. When the cartridge is
installed (or if it is left unattended for a long time), it is important
that I be 'wagged gently ever and anon', so that the toner is evenly
distributed inside at time of printing. Besides, I often have my own
Agitator inside.
Psychologist. Thank you, Hopper,
(addressing the Toner again) but what do you do for a living?
Toner.
I work on demand and, when not demanded, I am unemployed. I work with a
team of highly trained components, each of which does something to me
(or I do something to them). Let me introduce you to my colleagues.
(Enter the Magnetic
Roller)
Magnetic Roller. My function is
very simple. I am here to pick up the Toner and deliver it to the Drum.
To tell you why I do this, I must give you a thumbnail description of
the complete operation. In a laser printer, the Toner travels first onto
the Drum and then from the Drum to the Paper. The Drum (as he will say
so himself) carries the image on which the Toner will stick before being
delivered to the paper. To go to the Drum, the Toner (as well as the
Drum) must be magnetized with the right polarity. My function, as I
said, is to pick up the Toner, simultaneously charge it with the right
polarity, and deliver it to the Drum. By the way, in older printer
models, my function was performed by the Corona Wire. It was actually a
very thin wire, almost as thin as a hair. It was called 'corona' because
its function was based on the 'corona' effect, known to students of
physics and electricity. In my present capacity, I work in close
association with the Doctor Blade.
(Enter the Doctor
Blade)
Doctor Blade. Yes, were it not
for me it would not be possible to dispense the right amount of Toner to
the Drum; printing would be a big mess. You see, the Hopper, as you
might have noticed, has a slit through which the Toner is picked up by
the Magnetic Roller. My function is to reduce the gap of the slit to the
optimal size. You can say that I 'doctor', (that is, I measure and
distribute accurately across the length of the gap) the amount of Toner
to be delivered to the Drum. If I increase the gap, more Toner goes out
and the image is darker; if I decrease the gap, the image is lighter.
That's what happens when you tweak the darkness control.
Psychologist. But how can the
Drum succeed in attracting the Toner?
Doctor Blade. I know, there must
be passion and passion starts in the brain. But, while passion in
humankind is usually blind (that's why the Greeks had Cupid
blindfolded), here it must be regulated.
Psychologist. What do you mean?
Doctor Blade. Let me introduce
you to the Charge Roller, who will explain.
(enter
the Charge Roller)
Charge Roller. As you just
heard, my colleague the Doctor Blade accurately doctors the magnetized
Toner out of the Toner Hopper. But just as it takes two to tango, it
takes two magnetized objects of opposite polarities to attract each
other. My function is to polarize (i.e. properly magnetize) the Drum so
that the Toner will fall on it.
Psychologist. Does the Toner
fall all over the Drum then?
Charge Roller. No. As I charge
the Drum, he becomes ready to receive the Toner. At this point, the
Laser performs an almost magical operation.
(enter Laser)
Laser. Yes indeed. My function
is to direct my beam to the drum where and only where an image must be
formed. As the beam hits the surface of the Drum, the charge of the Drum
becomes very opposite to the charge of the Toner, who will then be
attracted to the portion of the Drum that I have hit (i.e. charged).
(enter Drum)
Psychologist. What next?
Drum. Having attracted the Toner
to me in those parts where the image is to be formed, I rotate and rub
against the Paper. Alas, the Toner (most of it anyway), now abandons me
due to the strong attraction to the Paper. And this happens to me (3)
times in the course of an image. Yes because, due to my dimensions, only
one third of an image can be placed on me at a time. In larger Drums
this is not necessary, but most laser printers have small Drums and I am
made to suffer (3) times for each image.
Psychologist. Why are you also
called Organic Photo Conductor?
Drum. Because I am sensitive,
especially to light (hence the Greek term 'photo' = 'light'), and become
easily excited by magnetic charges (from the Charge Roller) and
electrical charges (from the Laser), charges that I can ‘conduct.’ I
am called 'organic' because of the Charge Layer on my surface - the
(usually) green organic substance that gives me such a characteristic
color.
Psychologist. If you are
sensitive are you also weak?
Drum. I cannot deny that Drums
that come with the original cartridges are in general quite weak. You
see, for the manufacturers the shorter I last the better it is. But
Rechargers and many Remanufacturers install a Long Life Drum, which last
3-4 times longer than the original. (Ask Computer Friends about these
special drums). The secret of longevity is in the greater thickness of
the Charge Layer that I spoke about when answering your previous
question.
Psychologist. Long live the Long
Life Drum! But what happens to the remaining Toner - the Toner that did
not make it to the Paper?
Drum.
Ask the Wiper Blade.
(enter the Wiper
Blade)
Wiper Blade. I am a polyurethane
strip positioned against the length of the drum, and I sit on top of the
Waste Bin. As my name implies, I wipe away the excess Toner - that is -
the spent portion left over after the image-forming Toner has
been attracted by the Paper. Were I not
there, the first 1/3 of the image would appear as a ghost background on
the second part of the image and the second part of the image would
appear as another ghost background on the third part of the image. It is
important that my edge be absolutely sharp and smooth. A minor
imperfection can cause Ghost images, lines, scratch marks etc. on the
final print. As I said, I live just above the Waste Bin and share living
quarters with the Recovery Blade.
Ghost
(heard in the background). Revenge this foul and most unnatural
murder.
(enter the Recovery
Blade)
Recovery Blade. Do not mind the
Ghost. He is mad because in a well-maintained printer he can never show
up. Yes, I also am a strip made of mylar resting against the side of the
Drum. I am positioned just below the Wiper Blade. I make sure that the
Toner scraped off by he Wiper Blade goes into the Waste Bin. Otherwise
it would fall on the Paper creating a mess. If I am rippled or bowed or
nicked, the Toner escaping onto the paper will show up as unwanted dots
or large black spots.
(enter the Waste Bin)
Waste Bin. Do not leave me out.
I collect the Toner that after an extremely quick season of passion and
promiscuity cannot be used anymore. It is spent, forever unmagnetizable,
good for nothing. I must be emptied and cleaned when the cartridge is
recharged. Those who do empty and clean me use a Toner Vacuum, which is
a specialized vacuum that can trap and collect the fine particles of the
Toner. With an ordinary vacuum, the Toner would just fly off in the air
and burn the vacuum motor in the bargain. Ask Computer Friends about
their Toner-Approved Vacuums.
Psychologist. What happens to
the Toner on the Paper?
(enter Fuser Roller)
Fuser Roller. This is where I
come in. I am a cylinder made of ceramic, and my function is to fuse, to
join permanently the Toner with the Paper. I do so with heat; I
literally melt the Toner relying on some chemicals in the Toner.
Naturally I am very hot, this is why you see those 'do not touch' or
equivalent warning signs on laser printers. My closest associate is the
Fuser Wand.
(enter Fuser Wand)
Fuser Wand. After the fusing of
the toner, the ceramic cylinder needs cleaning. Some black residue tends
to remain on the cylinder. I am made of two parts, the wand itself and
the strip of felt material attached to it. I or the felt must be changed
each time the cartridge is changed or recharged.
Scene Two
Psychologist (closing
the lid). All this is fascinating. Now show me again how you all
work together.
Components (in turn).
The computer sends a print command to the Printer. The Drum is heard
beginning to turn, as well as the Magnetic Roller. Excited by the
Magnetic Roller and attracted by the oppositely magnetized Drum, the
Toner leaves the Hopper through the slit and is accurately measured by
the Doctor Blade. In the meantime, the Laser beam strikes the Drum right
where (and only where) the image must be formed. The Toner, irresistibly
attracted, abandons herself into the arms of the Drum, just in the
traces struck by the Laser beam. But in a sudden change of sex (oops,
polarity) the Toner develops an instant attraction for the Paper. The
Toner (most of it) leaves the Drum to be now received with open arms by
the Paper. Together, Toner and Paper generate a Print. Disgusted with
the remaining Toner, the Drum cleanses itself with the Wiper Blade and
the Recovery Blade. The same sequence of events happens 3 times in a row
for every image. In the end, the Fuser Roller seals the perennial union
of Toner with Paper.
Psychologist.
Fantastic! Mechanically and electrically speaking, you are marvelous,
but as a psychologist let me tell you, you all could use some
counseling.
Chorus. With rough
and all-unable pen,
Our bending author hath pursued the story.
In hope that all may not be turned to nought
Piece out our imperfections with your thought.
The End (all
Components bow to the Audience)
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